Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's get the cat blown out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
