I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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