Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
