'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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