Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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