Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
