Is it because I queefed?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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