in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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