tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
