Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize