i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize