omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
