Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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