Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
