I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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