the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize