alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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