Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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