Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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