Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
