I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
