Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
