i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
