Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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