Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
