yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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