Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
