Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your dad touched me again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
