i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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