I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
