he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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