I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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