for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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