I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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