I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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