I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As shirtless as possible
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
