Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
