Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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