We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
