make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
