Christians are straight up FREAKS
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
