Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
