garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
