everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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