And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
