I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
