I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
