so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
