I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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