he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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