On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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