You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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