didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my liver is dry heaving
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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