I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
