two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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