Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
