Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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