dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
