my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
