Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
